“You’re the same weight as you were when I saw you two years ago,” my gynecologist announced. “It’s time you lost some weight before it becomes too difficult.” She then proceeded to tick off a list of offending foods/ingredients. Refined sugar topped the list, followed closely by alcohol and fat.

Naturally, these ingredients are key parts of the diet in these parts: Bread. And cheese. And chocolate. And wine. Foods that (with the possible exception of the alcohol, which is more a weekend thing) are key parts of my diet.

Until now. I’ve struggled to lose the same weight over and over since moving to Switzerland, without much success. So I vowed to give up the refined sugar and the refined flour and the fat. And only go for the good stuff as far as the alcohol was concerned: I have to admit that saying no to a glass of Burgundy wine from Mr. Expat’s carefully curated cave requires strength that I don’t have. (And it kind of makes Mr. Expat angry too because, I think, in rejecting his wine, I am rejecting him. We’ve had this conversation and believe me, it wasn’t pretty.)

So far, so good. I have been able to change my eating habits at home – buy the bread made with whole wheat and refrain from getting the chocolate – but a trip out and about in Geneva is enough to send my blood sugar soaring just on sight. Every other shop is a tea room loaded with goodies, and in between the tea rooms are shops that just sell chocolate. I think that if the devil tempted me for 40 days and 40 nights, he’d just plop me down in the middle of the rues basses. (The desert wouldn’t work…all the chocolate would melt.)

Then there’s dinner out. I may be eliminating certain foods, but Mr. Expat is not, and sometimes I swear I am ruining his life by refusing to go into some of our local restaurants. On the menu: fondue, raclette, tartiflette, croute…Cheese and bread. Cheese and potatoes. Cheese and more cheese. “Can you eat this?” Mr. Expat asks hopefully. “No,” I reply stridently, “because it’s nothing but cheese and fat, and you know I don’t like pickles!” “But there’s fish on the menu too!” “Yes, but they serve it with fries!” And so on and so forth.

The good news is that I have been starting to shed the weight, slowly but surely. The bad news is that I think that some of the chocolate shops now have to file for bankruptcy.

You have to excuse me now. All this writing about chocolate is giving me a craving.

Update 15 June 2011: I am not too pleased to announce that my “no sugar” experiment lasted about two weeks and then died a terrible, sugar-induced-coma death. Haven’t been able to get back on the wagon. I suppose that all I can do is set a new goal – one not as severe – of having only two sugary desserts maximum a week and having wine only on weekends. Watch this space.

After I got over the initial panic, I immediately presented myself at my provider’s store and took the opportunity to upgrade to a BlackBerry. And I found myself enjoying the new functions my fancy new device afforded me. There’s a reason that people refer to them as “CrackBerry.” (And no, Mr. Expat, I did not lose my previous phone on purpose.)

Finally I could Tweetr sans fin after downloading the UberTwitter app available for BlackBerry. So great, I thought. I could have access to Twitter even when we were in residence in our abode in France. And the practical side was that we finally had access to information at our house – no more news blackout. I didn’t waste any time in exploring possibilities.

So great! Web 2.0 no matter where I went!

And then I got the facture. In the past my mobile bills usually came to 35 Swiss francs. Not this one. The final figure was six times as high…due completely to my mobile Internet communications while “abroad.”

It’s hard to remember that France, for all its similarities to Suisse Romande, technically is “abroad,” even if the border we cross is a glorified ditch. And even now that Switzerland is part of the Schengen region and free movement of persons is possible, my mobile phone definitely is inorganic material even if the messages it receives are from actual humans.

Next time I pass the Swiss/French border stations, Mr. UberTwitter is going to have to shut his beak…

Ah, I missed the portion sizes in the U.S. Supersizing until your meal could sustain you for a week’s worth of acclimatization treks up Mount Everest. In all fairness, though, it is possible to have a reasonably-sized meal in American restaurants. And it is possible to have enough food to get you through an entire winter in France.

Most people think of haute cuisine when they think of a French meal: a plate with a carrot and a couple peas artfully arranged around a sliver of meat and, of course, covered in sauce. Let them come to the Haute Savoie, where the restaurants there will show you what “real” French food is like. We have a favorite dining spot near our residence secondaire, a very cozy and warm chalet-type building with lots of charm — and lots of cheese. Fondue, raclette, you name it — cheese rules here and is obviously the most popular item on the menu in the cold months. I caught a glimpse of one woman’s plate during a recent visit. As far as I can tell, the chefs just opened a container of cheese that would get me through the week, popped it into the oven, and voila!, a single-serving meal. With a raclette, a wedge of cheese cut from a wheel the size of a tire is placed into a warmer and is scraped with little paddles to eat with meat, potatoes, and little onions and pickles. Mr. Expat and I ate one once. The last thing to be scraped was me, off the chair. I couldn’t move.

By all means, if you come to our region of France, sample the wonderful range of cheeses and dishes made with cheese. Just don’t plan anything other than a nap for afterwards. As for me, what can I say? Number of calories: unknown. Number of servings: more than you can imagine. I eat most of it anyway…

On Sunday, the Swiss voted solidly–against the hopes of the Federal council–to ban the construction of new minarets anywhere in the country. This ban will become part of the Swiss constitution, and in order for it to be passed, it had to receive a majority of “yeses” from individual voters country-wide, as well as from a majority of cantons. It satisfied both those requirements, and not by razor-thin margins. It’s already proved to be a controversial decision worldwide, and while its supporters hail it as a vote for religious freedom, there are plenty of people who see it as a choice for religious bigotry. I have a feeling we’re far from seeing the end of this issue. For its part, the canton of Geneva voted against the ban (about 59 percent said no). Ironically, Geneva chose to allow the display of the controversial posters urging passage of the item, on the grounds of free speech. Many other cities ordered them removed.

Also on Sunday, residents of Geneva canton voted–after, according to the Tribune de Genève, a century (!) of discussion–to allow the construction of a rail line between the city of Annemasse, France and the Cornavin train station (Geneva’s main rail station). Right now, rail links between Geneva and the French regions of the Haute-Savoie along the south bank of Lake Geneva are infrequent and awkward–meaning most people who live there and travel to Geneva for work or pleasure elect to drive. The new rail line would allow travelers to go from Annemasse to Cornavin in 20 minutes. Construction won’t be completed until 2016–but, given the tremendous growth in the bassin Lémanique and in the concommitant number of vehicles–it should help to alleviate the numerous traffic tie-ups that are all to common right now. And the air quality certainly won’t suffer for it.

And on Saturday, what was to be a peaceful demonstration against the World Trade Organization (WTO), headquartered in Geneva and now holding its biennial ministerial, turned into a car-burning, window-smashing riot fueled by a clash between police and a rather active minority of protestors. (Wisely, Mr. Expat and I elected to get out of town the night before, so all my information comes from the media). But it appears that many of the businesses in areas I frequent, including one of “my” Starbucks, suffered damage as a result of the violence. What a shame. Once again the hopes of the many to express–strongly but respectfully–their concerns about an issue see their message degraded by the few who just want to bust heads.

A lot of activity for one weekend…

We tend to think about Swiss bank accounts as the sole province of very rich individuals as well as marauding and pillaging dictators–and assume that the only purpose of having one is to hide wealth. But if one lives in Switzerland, it only makes sense that one will open an account at a local bank. Which just happens to be part of probably the most storied banking system in the world.

When Mr. Expat and I first began our transition from life in the U.S. to Geneva, one of our first actions was to open up an account in the bank housed in the building where Mr. Expat works. And for a while I gleefully mentioned to my friends and family that “we just opened up our Swiss Bank Account–ha ha!” After the novelty wore off, however, the account simply became a place where the money went into. And, more frequently, where the money came out of.

At some point I decided that it would make sense to do more of our in-country banking from the comfort and convenience of my own computer, so I filled out an application for on-line banking services. Some time later I received in the mail a packet containing an access card and a card reader (which functions as a nifty little calculator too). In typical fashion, the personal identification number (PIN) came under separate cover. OK, ready to begin. I read the login instructions and suddenly understood why it was that I was getting a doctorate. Not for pushing the boundaries of knowledge. For understanding how to access my account.

The login process has some serious security built into it, and all that security makes for a somewhat complex login process. I first have to insert the card into the reader and enter the PIN. Next, I have to enter my on-line agreement number on the Website login page. The Website then proceeds to generate an input number for me to type into my card reader. I type that number into the reader, which gives me another code to type onto the login page. If I have followed all of this seamlessly, I finally can access my account on line. That’s four steps as opposed to the two (account number and password) I normally use for my other accounts. 

And before you wonder, we duly report every last centime of interest from our Swiss accounts as required by law. Not that there’s much there to begin with…

Believe it or not, springtime is a great time to see London. The tulips and flowering trees are in full bloom in the parks and you can spend hours just wandering and people watching. That depends on the weather, of course, but I was fortunate to have three straight days of gorgeous skies and warm temperatures. Everyone was out and about. Between shopping time on Oxford Street and at Liberty of London (one of my favorite stores in the entire world!), I spent a good deal of my time in Soho, with all of its restaurants and cafés and great boutiques. A cappucino, a scone or muffin, and a copy of the Times, and I was all set!

On the financial side of things, London is not quite as expensive these days as it had been because the pound is at more reasonable levels vis-a-vis other currencies. Well, Mr. Darling, I did my best to restimulate the U.K. economy.

Next on the road show: Berlin, Germany, May 15-17. Neither rain, nor snow, nor gloom of swine flu stays this messenger from the completion of her appointed rounds!

It’s become very important to me to find novel ways to give my brain regular mental exercise. Some of those efforts fall into the tried and true category: book groups, lecture series, courses of all types. But over the years, I’ve discovered other methods of mental challenge. The trick is twofold. First, you educate yourself. Super–you’ve

What I start to look like with no intellectual stimulation.

learned something. But unless you just want to have great conversations with yourself, you need to do the second bit: engage with others. It’s learning and interaction that form the two pieces of brain-ercise.

So here are some of my suggestions for intellectual stimulation–suitable not just for trailing spouses but for people looking for jobs, staying at home with the kids, or anyone who needs a mental workout.

• Volunteer work. Nothing surprising here. Volunteering is a noble activity that benefits both the organization and the individual. But take it a step further. Really educate yourself in the group’s history, purpose and goals and then use that knowledge to educate others. Think about what questions (and concerns) they might have and come up with some solid responses. While you’re at it, use your volunteer stint to learn new skills and boost your resume at the same time. Or take on a solo project and become the “expert” in that area.
• Social networking on the computer. Sites like Twitter are super places to meet lots of new people from all over the world. Ask your new buddies questions about where they live, what foods they commonly eat, what traditions they have for holidays. Share some of your own. Ask them about their native language or dialect. Have them respond to you in their own language and see if you can understand it.
• Interactive news. News services have been connecting with their readers and viewers via comments boxes and, increasingly, through social networking sites. They offer opportunities to share your views and opinions, sometimes even to report on the news where you are. If you are watching a TV news program and the anchor poses a question to solicit viewer comments, try to think about it. Even if you think you don’t have an opinion, you might if you understood the issue better. How would you answer if you had to respond as part of a test? How would you support your answer? What information do you need in order to give an informed opinion? And what don’t you know that you probably should know?
• Language building. If you live in an area that shows foreign-language films, go see them in their original versions and follow the subtitles. It’s a great way to learn new words and phrases. Here in Geneva, original language version films have subtitles in both French and German, so I get practice in two languages. Watching the film doesn’t necessarily involve another person, but you can try out your new phrases the next time you have to converse in your host region’s language. (And please–use only the polite ones…)
• Pumped-up hobbies. Even pasttimes have histories, fit into cultures, and/or have scientific bases. Learn more about your pasttime–beyond the “how-to’s.” You’ll appreciate it more, and you might even learn how to do it better if you understand its development. Then try educating your fellow afficianados! Or learn how to read instructions in your new language…

What other things do you do to exercise your brain?

For the uninitiated, Peeps, which are manufactured by the Just Born company of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, are a popular U.S. confection. They consist of marshmallow (which is made of sugar, egg whites, corn syrup–which is essentially sugar, and a few other ingredients) and–you guessed it–more sugar, which thickly coats the outside of the candy. They are shaped like little chicks, with a beak and two eyes. The traditional color is, of course, yellow, but over the years, Peeps have emerged in colors like pink, green and lavendar. Just Born also makes sugar-coated marshmallows in the shape of Easter bunnies, Christmas trees, and Halloween pumpkins, among other shapes. It is the Peeps, however, that have attained a sort of cult status. Web sites have been created to celebrate the little guys. Fans debate the best condition for eating–immediately after opening so that they are soft and squishy, or a few days later to let them get a little hard and crunchy first. (I thought I was the only one that liked them that way.) Other people devise more diabolical schemes to dispense with their Peeps. For instance, you can create a “Peep suicide circle” by placing the Peeps side by side around a plate, inserting a toothpick into each one, and then putting them inside the microwave for a minute or so. As the Peeps expand, they all stab one another with their toothpicks. Yes, I know, some people have way too much time on their hands.

Two years ago, which was the last time I was in the States prior to Easter, I grabbed six or seven boxes of various colored Peeps to bring back with me to Switzerland. I presented one box of green Peeps to my friend as a hostess gift. It was the first time she had ever seen them. She served a beautiful fruity dessert–accompanied by the Peeps, which were tastefully arranged around the dessert plate. It was actually very festive, and she gets my award for the most elegant Peep presentation I have ever seen.

Unfortunately, my need to travel to the States has decreased since then, and I haven’t been able to make any Peep procurement since. For some reason though, I am having severe Peep cravings this Easter. So far I’ve been to the local American products store and to the food section of one of Geneva’s top department stores–which stocks some American import items–with no luck. Nothing in France either. So if anyone in the U.S. or elsewhere comes across any boxes of these things, please send me some! Don’t worry about them getting stale. I assure you, I’ll eat them anyway.

(For more info on Peeps, check out www.marshmallowpeeps.com. Loads of other sites exist; here’s one on Peep “research” www.peepresearch.org)